Finding peace
by Avin1993
Summary: letting peace come to you... its hard...


This is really not a story many will like but I hope you find something in it that you can tolerate ;P

Her fingers grazed the perfectly normal skin on her arm, it's just this once, it's just for one time, and I just need to feel. Her thoughts are racing as she faces the mirror, she looks at the glazed gaze she has into herself, the emptiness she feels, the way words work their way into her skin and makes it itch to feel something real, and not just the feel of hurt in her heart.

Jessie sighs, she never got over it, as soon as it happened everything went wrong, Charna was her sister, had been her best friend, used to be there, right behind her to help her not do bad things, but there's the catch, she is not there anymore, everything is in the past tense now when you talk about her. She cannot take it anymore, the look that keeps appearing in her dreams, the way everything just disappears when she sees a picture, a single picture, why not just get it over with, see her real face, for myself, not the one that's burned inside my friggin scull, her thoughts all so negative all so demeaning and condescending that she feels like nothing, she will be nothing, she will see her face go blank and the last thing she will see, is the blood flow from her perfectly soft arm, when everything is over, she will for the first time in over two years feel happy.

The razor in her right hand grazes the skin, and Jessie gasps, the small pain and the small blood drop that forms from the tiny cut makes her feel alive, but also leaves her wanting more, she wants to feel it again, feel it more powerful. She grazes her skin again, this time a little power in the slit across her wrist, maybe she is ready to die, but she will make it slow, and painful, the house is empty as she sits in the bathroom, with a towel to her now bleeding arm, and the razor between her thumb and her index finger, the long pale fingers gripping tightly around her arm as she tries to squeeze the pain out of the second cut, she wants it done right, and she wants it done tonight. So that the wannabe perfect family can come home and find her lifeless form on the floor.

Jessie gets up, letting the towel fall in to the sink, and stares into the mirror beside the sink, the full length mirror that always has her feeling worse. She stares at her size 2 body, the perfect body according to many, but not to her, to her it's just something that looks fat and ugly and holds her dark soul that needs to be free. Her gaze raises from her thighs, her perfect toned thighs to the perfectly shaped stomach that holds no food from the last half year, and up to her beautiful rounded breasts that sit perkily in the black lace bra, further up to the slender neck that upholds her perfect oval face, with her dark lips, and the tiny nose, and the beautiful perfectly ice blue eyes, that can pierce through your soul if there was actually feel behind them, her gaze follows the perfect flow of waves in her long black hair that folds to an end at her elbows, she looks at her eyes again, the empty sunken in shapes that looks right back at her without a care for what she is about to let happen. She lets her gaze go to her left arm, with to perfectly straight lines of deep red, her eyes makes a hungry stare come out as she returns to the sink and the towel.

The razor still in hand she sits down against the cupboard and lets the razor slide over a new spot, she smiles as she sees the trace of it and puts the razor on the same spot, this time when she runs it across her arm she makes it a powerful push in to the arm, as she lets out the gasp of pain she smiles. Her perfectly blue eyes are proud and for once happy; a memory popping into her head, the first time she got caught staring at her sister while she prepares dinner, and the left arm she had back then now resembling the one Jessie is covering up. She smiles slightly at the thought of a slightly happier sister, she once knew, she now misses. The feeling of pain she got from the cut only lasts long enough for her to get a good look at the cut before it actually starts to close up, she sighs, wanting more she repeats what she did before, hoping for the same amount of pain, only to realize it's not enough. Her eyes get angry as she looks at the blood leave the now very pale arm, she sighs; once more she places the razor to her arm, this time trying to follow the arms length instead, and let the razor move half way down her arm, as she drops it to the floor, a gasp leaving her lips before biting down on it, she holds the towel tightly against the very long cut, and closes her eyes, letting the pain take her over, she had done it before, but on her leg, just to feel the pain, now she needed it to be done, she needed closure and to get away from the world as it was for her now, her mother barely living through the day when she really wants to lie in bed and cry for hours, her father working all the time to get away from the painful memory of finding his oldest daughter in a pool of blood on her own bed, gliding in to the world of nothingness. Her younger brother by only a year becoming bulimic without the parents notice, and Jessie has said nothing, just let it run its course.

Her eyes open as she feels the pain when she presses harder, this will last, and she feels the pain shoot through her when she lightly presses it more than before. Her eyes full of the pain she feels for the family and for herself, she raises the now dark red towel to watch the blood subtly rise from the arm, from the slender cut she just made. Her eyes glazing over as she lets herself wallow in the pain and let her arm fall to her side when the blood starts to make a very small pool around her fingers that lie on the floor, she closes her eyes, MORE, her body cries, her mind telling her to stop while she still has her life, but her heart and the rest of her body bracing itself for the next stab of pain as she lets the razor make another, longer cut right beside the first one, she lets her arm drop again, not having enough power in her body to pull it off the floor again, she sees the blood pool around her hand, she knows it won't take a lot more now.

She lets her mind drift as she feels the blood leave her body, and feels the unconsciousness take over, she knows that she should continue but her body drained from energy she falls to her side and lets her eyes close for her final rest, bracing herself to see her sister again, the thing she has been seeking for two years, she sighs, content with herself for finishing what she started for once.

A/N I know it's like totally bad, but I don't care, it was just something I wrote in half an hour to get it of my chest… I know many of you will not even read it, but I try at least, and I like my stories so screw you… I like writing and I want to get good so please positive criticism, don't just judge and be all hate, give something good in the bad… ;P


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